When my beloved cat Louie left his body on January 7, 2023 (Louie of the Light), I knew, even in my grief, that our journey together was not over.
Louie remained in communication with me in the days and weeks after he died, sharing his deep wisdom, his perspective on life, death, the spirit world, and the goings-on here on planet Earth.
Because Louie was such a spiritual adept, a master teacher for me and so many people whose lives he had touched, I expected that he would remain in the spirit world as a teacher and guide for me and many others, much as my cat Freddie, who passed nearly two decades ago, has done. Louie and Freddie have a strong connection, and after Louie passed, I often felt the two of them together near me.
From the day after Louie’s death, which was, as he described it, a “short runway, hard stop”, I began to keep a journal in which I wrote our communications with each other, and into which I poured my grief, my missing Louie in his physical form. I titled it “The Louie Chronicles.”
Louie’s passing was inevitable, after a long and well-lived life. In the end, his body simply couldn’t continue. The day he died, though he understood and agreed to his euthanasia, he was, to tell the truth, a little grumpy about it all. This was partly because of his physical discomfort, and partly because he loved his life, loved his body, loved his connection with the Earth, with me, and his work with animal communication and Reiki students all over the world. He would have stayed much longer if he could have, but he understood that the body was done. He couldn’t remain in it.
Louie was always fluent in the spiritual realms, and taught me so much in the years he lived with me. So, I wasn’t surprised that when he left, there was no “transition” for him. He simply continued as he had while in his body, but without it. He remained in full communication with me, and continued right on with his spiritual and energetic work without missing a beat. He showed up with friends and colleagues, he communicated about the state of the planet and the energies of the cosmos, and he drew close to me to comfort me in my grief.
And oh, how I missed him. I spent long winter afternoons sitting in the patch of sun near his grave under his favorite piñon tree, talking to him, crying, missing him. He had been with me nearly 20 years, and life without him in a body was a huge adjustment.
Louie’s spiritual presence was strong and palpable. He communicated to me that his leaving was a completion on many levels, both personal for both of us and in larger, collective/planetary ways as well, and that a new beginning would soon come.
Looking back, reading his communications to me during this time, I can see now what I couldn’t see then: Louie wasn’t exactly “done.” He had completed a chapter of his Earth life, and his life with me, but the book of his soul’s journey and our lives together continued to be written.
Little did I know then what was about to unfold.
Full Moon Visions
All of his life with me, Louie loved the full moon. In his younger years, he insisted on staying outdoors in all seasons on the full moon nights. In his elder years, he agreed to come indoors, at least in the winter, but he was really never all that happy about it.
I understood that for Louie, full moons were energetically powerful, and much of his energetic work with the Earth was accomplished during this time. As I’ve said before, I often felt like I only partly understood what Louie was up to on these deeper energetic levels. My job was to keep him safe, fed, warm, cared for, and to listen to and learn from whatever he wished to share with me about his spiritual work and understanding.
Louie’s last night on earth was the night of the January full moon, and he passed the morning after.
In February, the first full moon after his death, Louie called me outdoors and asked me to sit with him and watch the moon rise over the mountains. I could feel a shift in his energy and in his communication. He communicated that he was deeply involved in energetic healing work with the Earth, in partnership with many beings through the cosmos. He asked me to continue these full moon meetings, in addition to our regular communications.
He was letting go more and more of his earthly form and experiences, expanding more and more into the spirit world, communicating to me about his work in many realms, our ongoing spiritual connection, and completions and new beginnings. I thought that this was our “new” reality, the new expression of our relationship: Louie in the spirit world, large, expanded, free, and me on Earth, embodied in my human form.
That’s what I thought. Louie, however, had a different plan.
Just before the next full moon in March, I found myself in a waiting room, alone. I thought, “Great, I’ll just meditate for a bit until it’s my turn.”
Immediately, as I went into meditation, Freddie and Louie came in together. Freddie, as I almost always feel him, off to my side, guiding, supporting, a pillar of strength; Louie on the other side, present, clear, wise, direct.
What happened next nearly knocked me off my chair.
Louie communicated to me directly and clearly:
“I’m coming back. I’ll be born in the spring. You’ll have me by June.”
It was strong, simple, and no-nonsense, signature Louie. I burst into tears.
I could not have been more surprised, thrilled, excited…it was not what I had expected. And I knew it was the truth, and that my life was about to change in a magical, unexpected way.
My thoughts immediately went to the practical, physical world reality. “Louie”, I said, “I can’t go through more male-male cat conflict with Milo like we had for all of these years. We got through it, but it was hard. It took a toll on me and all of us.”
Immediately, I heard: “I’ll come as a female, that’s easy for me to do. I’ll find the right situation. Be patient and wait.”
I asked, “What would you like me to name you?”
Louie replied, “You can call me Lulu.” Lou-Lou was always my nickname for Louie. I laughed.
As the day unfolded, the communication from Louie continued.
“I have more to do with you. I love being alive and having a body. A large part of my spirit will remain out and expanded, but I want to be anchored into form.
With you.
With you.
With you.”
My heart burst open.
Finding a Body
A few days later, on March 10, early in the morning as I was just waking up, Louie came in again.
“I’ve found one”, he said. I understood that he meant a mother cat.
And and a few hours later,
“I’m in.”
“I’ll be born at the next full moon, close to home, in 4 weeks.”
The images of a tabby and a black cat started solidifying.
More information came soon after:
“Mama cat is young, stray or semi-feral, will find her way to a client at the vet who will take good care of her. The person will keep her and try to find homes for the kittens. She will come in late enough in the pregnancy that they will not spay her before the kittens are born.”
So, I sent a message to my wonderful vet, who had cared for and known Louie for so many years. I kept it simple: “I’m thinking of adding a female kitten to my family. If you hear of one will you let me know?”
Two weeks later, March 17, another message from Louie: “Two weeks. You’ll know something in about two weeks.”
A few days later: “I’m spending more time ‘in’, integrating my energy/spirit/soul with this physical form. I can’t stay completely ‘in’ yet; it’s quite limiting and restrictive for me.”
March 29, 2023, two and a half weeks after Louie’s “two weeks” message. I am impatient. I am missing Louie so much. I sit by his grave. I can’t feel him “out” at all. I feel him pulled in, dense, dark. I see nothing, only a feeling of small, compacted energy. He says, “I’m pulling my energy into the earth plane.”
I ask, “Louie, is this really real, or just me missing you so very much?”
Louie said, “Just wait. Like the others. Just wait. You’ll hear something soon. It will be as I told you it will be. Just be patient.”
A few hours later, my phone pinged with a message from the vet: “I have a patient with a litter of kittens due any day now, are you interested if there is a female?”
Of course, I responded immediately with “YES!!” And then I burst into that weird kind of laughing-crying-shrieking-cheering-snotty-tears-of-joy that one does at moments like these.
Then, the real waiting began.
I waited, and waited, and waited.
I asked Louie, “Are you there?” He responded: “I’m focusing all my energy in. It’s not easy. I am small, still, quiet. It’s dark. Wait. Be patient. Soon.”
I communicated with Freddie. He responded, “Yes, it is happening. Trust. We are your team, two of us in tandem, one on each side of you, one in, one out. Lulu will be sharp, clear, feisty as always. She will handle the dogs. They will be soft with her. Don’t worry about that.” (One of the reasons I’ve never had a kitten is I’ve been worried about having a young kitten with the Afghan hounds, with their strong prey drive. Freddie knew I’d already been concerned about that, and wanted to reassure me.)
Finally after what felt like ages, but was in fact only three weeks from the message from the vet, the call came in from the woman who had rescued the mama cat. It was all as Louie had said it would be. Mama cat was very pregnant when she got to the vet; they decided to allow her to carry the pregnancy to term and place the kittens. The kittens had been born on April 6, the Full Moon. Mama was a black cat; there was one tabby kitten in the litter, along with a black and two Siamese-colored kittens. Mama cat had been trapped on March 10, the day Louie had sent me the messages: “I’ve found one ” and “I’m in.”
Lulu communicated to me: “I am waking up, remembering who I am, remembering you. Waiting for you and our mission to continue. It took a lot of energy to be born. I am focusing on the physical body and on my mama. Now, waiting for you. I will anchor in fully when we are together. I am refreshed and expanded in a very powerful way.”
I ask: “Are you in the little tabby kitten? Is this where you have focused?”
Lulu: “Yes.”
Lulu of the Light.
May 19: Lulu asks, “When are you coming to get me? I want to come home. “
Lulu Comes Home
On May 31, one day short of 8 weeks since she was born, I met Lulu, her litter mates and her foster mom at the vet. Lulu came home.
I am as relaxed, settled, and content as I have been for a long, long time. It all feels “right as rain.” The big “Louie” energy fills my heart, our home, the land.
Lulu said, “When I heard your voice, I could fully land in.”
A few days later, at the next full moon, the “Louie” energy was full and palpable in Lulu: clear, wise, spunky, feisty, sweet. Though in a young body, with everything to learn and experience all over again, the feeling is the same. My heart felt whole and settled.
How is it that I can experience yet another miracle, yet another return of a beloved in this lifetime, through this magical process that I can witness, but could not in a million years have organized or orchestrated on my own?
The big Louie energy surrounds us like a blanket, and the pure clarity of the little one anchors it here.
She is SO. MUCH. FUN. She’s wild and confident and clear. She handles the dogs, the other cats, like an old pro. It took some time for “cat dynamics” to settle out, but now they have.
Milo is annoyed by her kittenness, but he is gentle with her. Lulu wants nothing more than to be Milo’s friend…such a profound healing after their struggles in the last lifetime.
After some time being really unhappy about it all, one day Marigold turned a corner and decided it was kind of fun to have another young cat around. Lulu has found all of the good hiding places to keep away from the long dog noses when she wants to, but other times she and Tashi spend long stretches of time hanging out near each other. They’ve now known each other through two different bodies for each of them. I can hardly take it all in.
We’ve returned to our routine of playing and cuddling in the evenings. Lulu hangs out in my office while I work, napping or playing on the cat tree. Now and then I catch her looking at me with what I call her Louie eyes: intense, direct staring, connecting with deep awareness.
She’s her own little being as well. There is a continuation of the Louie energy, and also her own “flavor”, her own energetic blueprint. She loves having a functioning, healthy, young body with four legs (Louie was a tripod) and a full mouth of teeth. She loves running, playing, chasing, and snuggling with me on her terms…another Louie “holdover” trait.
I’m in kitten heaven…and thrilled to have this wonderful being with me again. She’ll join in my teaching and classes as she wants to, and when she’s ready and old enough, she’ll be able to be outdoors in the cat yard, being on the earth again.
The circle continues. Bodies come and go, but souls do not die. Love does not die. Energy, consciousness, awareness do not die.
I don’t know all of what Lulu will be learning, sharing, teaching, discovering, and doing in this lifetime, but I do know that it will be an adventure. I remain her loyal servant and fiercest ally, but more than anything, she is my beloved teacher and wise, funny, beautiful friend.
We are so very blessed.
